What to Talk About With a Girl Over Text (Once You Know the Basics)
Good topics aren’t a list to work through. They’re territory where both of you have something to say.
Talk about things you both have opinions or stories about: food, places, plans for the weekend, what you’re watching or reading, small wins and disasters, childhood stories, travel, and silly debates. The best topics are ones she cares about (look for what makes her replies longer), and the ones that naturally lead to meeting, like a restaurant, a show, an activity. Move between topics by following her answers, not by working through a list.
On this page
Topics that almost always work
- Food. Best meals, worst cooking disasters, guilty-pleasure snacks, the restaurant she keeps meaning to try. Easy, universal, and a natural route to a date.
- Places. Where she grew up, her favorite part of the city, the best trip she’s taken, where she wants to go next.
- What she’s into right now. The show, book, podcast or hobby she can’t stop thinking about.
- Small wins and disasters. Her week’s best and worst moments; yours too.
- Childhood. What she was like as a kid, what she got in trouble for, what she wanted to be.
- Opinions. Overrated things, hills she’ll die on, controversial food takes.
- Plans. Weekend plans, things she’s looking forward to, things she’s been meaning to try.
Topics that lead toward meeting
- Restaurants and bars she loves or wants to try.
- Activities she’s good at or curious about: climbing, pottery, trivia, karaoke.
- Events coming up: gigs, markets, exhibitions.
- Skills she could teach you, or you could teach her: cooking, a game, a sport.
- Debates that can only be settled in person: best pizza in town, who’s better at pool.
When one of these sparks, suggest a plan. See conversation topics that lead to a date.
Topics to approach carefully
- Exes and past relationships. Better in person, and later.
- Politics and religion. Fine if she brings them up; risky as an early topic.
- Work stress in detail. Sympathise briefly, then lighten it.
- Her looks or body. Not a topic.
- Complaints about dating apps or other women. Never a good look.
Topic-hopping versus following energy
New topic every message, regardless of her answers.
Topics are being ticked off, not explored. Nothing she says gets a chance to become a conversation.
One food topic became a running joke and a bridge to a more personal question, all by following her energy.
Topics by stage
- First days: light, shared territory: food, the city, weekend plans, what she’s into right now, playful debates.
- After a week or two: stories (childhood, travel disasters), opinions, what she’s looking forward to, follow-ups on her life.
- After a date: the date itself, inside jokes from it, and the plan for the next one.
- Once you’re closer: values, dreams, family, what she wants from life, eased into gently.
Your life is material too
You don’t need perfect topics if you notice small things in your own day: a strange conversation, a minor disaster, a show you can’t stop watching, a meal you’re proud of. Sharing these makes the conversation two-sided and gives her something to react to. See how to tell stories over text.
How to find her topics
Watch the length and energy of her replies. When she writes more, uses more exclamation marks, or asks you something back, you’ve found a topic she cares about. Stay there. When replies shorten, it’s time to move on, ideally by connecting to something she said earlier rather than starting from scratch. If you often run dry, see what to do when you run out of things to say.
Shared territory, followed by energy
Good topics give both of you something to contribute, which balances investment, and following her energy creates emotional movement instead of a list of facts. For going deeper over time, see how to get past small talk, and for opening lines, conversation starters.
Go deeper: Curiosity Over Text: Why She Wants the Next Message · Emotional Movement: Why Some Texts Feel Like Something
Interview Detector: Are You Texting Her Like an Interviewer?. If she’s answering every question but asking none, you’re running an interview, not a conversation. Paste the thread to check.
Try it freeQuestions
What should I talk about with a girl over text?
Food, places, what she’s into right now, small wins and disasters, childhood stories, playful opinions and upcoming plans. Follow the topics that make her replies longer.
What topics should I avoid over text?
Exes, heavy politics or religion early on, her body, and complaints about dating apps or other people. Save serious topics for in person.
How do I know what she likes talking about?
Watch her replies: longer answers, more energy and questions back mean you’ve found a good topic. Stay on it for a while.
Is it okay to talk about work?
Briefly, yes, especially funny or dramatic moments. Long work discussions tend to drain energy, so ask about the story, not the job description, and move on when it flattens.
What do I talk about with my crush over text?
The same light, specific topics, with a little more attention: remember what she tells you, follow up on it, and look for a topic that could become a plan to meet.
How do I switch topics naturally?
Connect the new topic to something she said, rather than jumping to something unrelated. “You mentioned Lisbon earlier. What’s next on your travel list?”
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